Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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