I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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