the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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