whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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