I wish I only lived at night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
