i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
