When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
