so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just high enough for therapy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Randomize
