DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
