it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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