Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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