I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
