Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
nut hugger
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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