I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
