Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
