I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
