i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
