Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
