based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
