and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
