So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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