my vag is so smooth its legendary
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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