I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
