Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
