Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
