So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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