Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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