Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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