Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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