My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
