U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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