Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
