well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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