What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
