That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
