I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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