Tell her she can't have a vagina
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
