Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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