He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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