We're like a lot better than the average bears
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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