My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
