Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
