I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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