Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
