Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
