after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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