I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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