It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
