How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize