I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
