you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
