the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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