My hand turned me down
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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