he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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